Crazy Rant

This is a rant. Forgive my lack of organization. Is there such a thing as an exercise support group? Because if there is, I sure as hell need one. I mean really. What is wrong with me? After watching Oprah during "Ice Storm: 2009," I seriously wonder if I need to be on something called bioidentical hormones or something. I look like the rundown woman I saw who went on these things and within days she was totally back to her normal self. One of her symptoms before her new meds was that she no longer wanted to go to parties or see people. She was like a hermit. I think that could very well be me. I don't like making small talk with people when I don't feel like it--which is actually much of the time--especially outside of work and home. Does it count that I am BIG, and I mostly talk with SMALL PEOPLE? Anyhoodle, Crissy from "Three's Company" was telling me that she is on these things, and they are great. Well, since she AND Oprah (or Orfah, as my oldest daughter used to call her)brought all this to the surface, my hypochondria has kicked into gear, and I wonder if these bioidenticals or whatever would help me exercise, make small talk, dress nicely for Wal-Mart trips, yadda yadda yadda. These are in lieu of taking hormones, or estrogen, or whatever it is. Which brings me to my college biology teacher's first quiz: How do you make a hormone? (Imagine crickets chirping, the kid on the front row popping zits on his arm, finally some frantic pencil scratching, lots of erasing...)After the longest pause ever, Dr. Thornberry writes on the blackboard: Don't pay her. It was hysterical. Which brings me back to me. What is wrong with me? Why have I become such a slug? I used to work out 3-4 days a week, run, even teach aerobics? If three kids, a husband, and a job does this to me, I guess it's a good thing I don't have any more on my plate (read: that other baby I think I might miss out having); I'd probably be comatose.